i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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