the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
