she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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