shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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