Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
