btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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