i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
