WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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