I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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