watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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