I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
