He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
