After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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