Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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