Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
