You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's the barista slut.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
