I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
