Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When are your genitals available?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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