so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
