Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
