This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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