It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
