I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
