.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
