just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
