it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
