im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
