Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize