I must be too annoying 4 u.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
