Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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