Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
