too bad you live with your parents still
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
