Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
