I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
