Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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