Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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