He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
