I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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