Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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