I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
only if we run a train.
done.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
