Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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