id be glad to
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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