I hope mine doesn't look like that
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
