bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
