you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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