So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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