the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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