i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
