I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
