Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
