Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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