The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
