I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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