Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
