i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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