god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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