so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
