ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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