I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
