it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
