obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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