the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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