A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
In America we eat man semen.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
