I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That accounts for only three of the penises
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
