Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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